Posted: February 22, 2008 in Perspective

If there is one thing I gleaned from the Evolve conference this past week, it’s this:  I need to re-start my life.  No, this is not the cry of a nearing-40 guy who wants to move to California, buy a sports car, and pretend I’m some sort of new person like some freaks you read about.  No, this is the cry of someone who is taking a look at his life and realizing there are things that I should must change:

  1. I need to walk with God.  I need to spend more time with God.  Period.  More time reading his word, seeking his voice, and letting him determine what I should be doing on a second-by-second basis.  Right now, I feel like I am so far from where I need to be in this area that I wonder how in the world anyone can look at me as a worship leader and take me seriously.  Sometimes, I feel like I have more passion for the church itself than I do for God.  And I’ve devoted countless hours to television, video games, and other useless crap that I wonder what I could’ve done with that time.  My sins are so numerous I even hesitate to confess them, but I need to do that, too.  Basically, I need to start over DAILY in seeking Him.
  2. I need to have more courage as a leader.  As I am now, I’m a freaking wimp.  I wuss out at everything.  Why?  Because I like to make people happy.  I like for the people with whom I serve to all get along in perfect harmony and sing kum-bay-freaking-yah.  I would rather tell everyone an impossible “yes” just to keep them content.  I think maybe I became this way partly because it’s how I’m wired, but mostly because I’m trying to avoid the kinds of conflicts I’ve seen in the body of Christ as I’ve done ministry in the past 15 years.  But you can’t avoid malfunctions.  And right now, when something bad happens (someone goes off the deep end or there’s some sort of strife between me and someone else), it absolutely consumes me, because I want everything to work out in a positive way.  On the one hand, I’ve always valued my personality traits which lean towards empathy with others’ problems and peace-making when conflict breaks out.  But the reality is, you cannot lead everyone the same way all the time.  There will be disagreement.  There will be conflict.  You must learn how to say, “No.”  So, I need to get back in the long-dormant habit of “bowing up” and dealing with things like that better when they inevitably happen.  Why?  Because the mission of reaching people – the mission of our church – is more important than anything, and I need to stand up for it and my calling to that task with courage – even audacity.  To be a leader, I need to lead, not follow the whims of people whom I want to like me.  Sure, I’d be a fool not to listen to my team and take their suggestions/advice to heart.  I’d also be a fool to lose traits of empathy and peace-making.  But there comes a point where the buck absolutely stops with me.  There comes a point where I have to grit my teeth, plow forward, lead, and hope people follow me.  If they don’t, fine.  At least it won’t be because I’m a wuss.
  3. I need discipline.  I need to lose 30 lbs.  I need to establish good sleep habits.  I need to spend more productive time maintaining my home, my finances, and my relationships with my spouse and kids.  The reality is that I’m not going to lose weight and get my house in order through some mystical osmosis by hanging out with skinny people who go to the gym and wear clothes from Buckle.  It’s only going to happen when I get to the gym, quit ordering the number 10 on the Hardees lunch menu, and learn how to actually throw clothes IN the dirty clothes hamper.  Sure, it’s funny.  Sure, it’s typical of a lot of people.  Sure, it’s sin….oh, yeah…that’ll change your perspective on it…  Being a sluggard is sin.  Ouch.

I could go on and on making a list.  But these first 3 are more than enough to keep me occupied.

  1. THE J-Mo says:

    It’s about dang time. 😀

    Love ya bro.

  2. Jason says:

    Hey brother, you have plenty of people that love you brother, and want to help you be accountable. I’m with ya brother in a lot of areas in my life. I’m tired of talking about it, lets do something about it.

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